Oh my…I’m ashamed. I haven’t posted in months! I think of doing so all the time, however something (procrastination) always stops me. Honestly, I have come to the realization that if I could have somebody follow me around, take pictures, and then write my thoughts down, then I would have this blog a well oiled machine. Sadly, that is not the case…so for those of you waiting to see what I’m doing and hear my thoughts (Mom) I apologize.
Life has been busy. Well, I say that, but then I can’t come to think what I have been doing. Story of my life!
So, nearly three months have passed since my last post…I’m not sure if I even know what has all happened since then, but here are the things I do know…
- My wonderful parents made the trek north to visit us for Thanksgiving. They were able to come up to my classroom two days and meet the little darlings that I have. Dad also got to go out to L’s workplace and hang out with him, nerding it out. We all traveled down to L’s family for Thanksgiving with his family. That was a lot of people and a lot of fun. We had a great time having my parents here!
- The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas are crazy for everyone, for a school teacher they are mayhem. I can’t recall anything from those three weeks, so my only prediction is that I blacked out.
- Then came Christmas, which was disappointingly fast! We traveled to the Mothership (Texas) to spend Christmas with my family. We had our 3rd Annual Christmas Eve Brunch. An event I look forward to every year. More so, the planning of it. I love planning things like that with my Mom. It turned out fabulous and we all had a lot of fun. We had to hurry back from Texas, so that L could get back to work and that was hard.
- New Year’s came and went. We got to hang out with some friends and their little girl. We had a nice, calm, uneventful evening. I’m okay with that. Although NYE is always the day that I miss living in the city the most. I love getting dressed up and I don’t do that much in the middle of nowhere Iowa.
- L has been trying to convince me for some time to start selling my kid’s shirts, so after much encouragement, I started by selling Valentine’s shirts. I got a lot of orders, so that was encouraging. Unfortunately, last week as I was finishing the shirts, I broke my sewing machine. So, a few of my orders cancelled. I was able to borrow another machine and completed orders today. I love how they turned out!
- I started getting out in the town more and have even been going to some of the University games with some friends. It’s nice to have a change of pace. It’s not nice to go back to the University and not have my besties with me. It makes me miss them horribly and miss all the hilarious that is the four of us.
- Speaking of my three favorites! We started planning our Girls’ Trip for this year. I cannot wait! That is one of the bigger things I am looking forward to in 2013.
- I have become OBSESSED with Trader Joe’s . I swear it is my new favorite place and I have been trying to convince everyone I know to shop there as well. I can’t get enough of it! If you haven’t been, you’re missing out.
That nearly sums up my highlights…my biggest one, I have saved for last…
In January I celebrated a HUGE milestone. Two and a half years ago, after tons and tons of tests and lots and lots of doctors and fighting not having insurance, I was diagnosed with Ulcertive Colitis. If you want to Google that you can, but basically it’s a digestive disease that could be considered a mild form of Crohn’s. It is known to have no cure. There are meds that can help get you into remission, but not cure it and they are awful. For a year and a half I went along with the doctors. I had a terrible experience. There were so many mornings were I couldn’t stand up, couldn’t get out of bed, barely made it through a shower, couldn’t stand long enough to fix my hair, and LIVED on the toilet! Too much info? Sorry, but that’s the truth of it. The only thing they ever found to control it was predisone (aka Satan himself). I had to take them off and on for a year and a half, but soon realized the damage they were doing to my body. I was weak, always sick, swelling at a ridiculous rate, and so angry. I barely made it through my wedding last year and had a hell of a time on our Honeymoon. Oh! Did I forget to mention I had to forgo my dream honeymoon in St. Lucia, because I knew my body wouldn’t hold up after the wedding? Well, yup that happened. I also had to take a month off of work, because I knew I couldn’t handle that and the wedding. Life sucked. I wanted to die on a regular basis and thought of it frequently. The pain was unreal. Are you beginning to understand the awfulness that was?! The worst was the fact that I began to realize I wouldn’t be able to handle being pregnant much less having a baby if my life continued this way…and that’s when I said “I quit.”
January 2012 came…and I decided I was done. I am a control freak. I know this, everyone knows this. I realized this disease was controlling my life and I was beyond sick of it. So, I dropped all meds I was having to take. Flushed them down the toilet where I sat so many days and hated life. I had been paying attention carefully to what foods I was eating and how they affected me. I paid attention to the amount of physical activities I could handle. I paid attention to how I felt every minute of every day and I burned it all into my brain. When I made the decision to change things for myself, I became obsessed with doing those things. I charted everything and anything in my head. I spent hours and hours studying information, studies, and cases online. The most important thing I did was tell myself that my life was not going to be like this. I was not going to let something else decide my destiny. I truly believed it with every ounce of everything in me.
I put more effort into this task than I ever have anything else. I fought. I struggled. I had failures. I had successes. I had set backs. In the end however, I won. I have lived over a year now without any meds, without seeing a single specialist, and without my life revolving around this God forsaken disease. In November, I sought out the advice and expertise of one of my students’ parents who works with vitamins and supplements. I have been taking them religiously and have seen a huge difference. My colon doesn’t declare war on me anymore, it functions normally.
After two months of taking the vitamins and getting my health back, I decided it was time to work on my body again. My muscles took a beating through all this and I was beginning to believe that they were non-existent. So, I have decided to not only get my muscles back and my body back to a healthy stature, but I am going to train for a half marathon later this year. A half marathon that is put on for my disease and raises money in order to find a cure. I am running this to tell Colitis that I won…that I kicked it’s ass…that I took control and fixed myself…and so that I can show myself that I can, because a year ago I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to handle having kids, because a year ago I couldn’t get up and go to work, and because a year ago I wanted to die and now I want to not only live…I want to rock life.
I start training this week. I am nervous and excited. More than anything, I am ready to let all the hard work pay off. I am ready to make my life what I want it to be and truly be past the hell that has been the past nearly three years. I want to look back in a year and have absolutely no signs of ever having been that skinny, unhealthy girl that couldn’t fix her own hair or shower without sitting down. I want to be truly excited when we decide to have kids and not worry that the baby and I won’t make it. I want to be free.
“I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.”
― William Ernest Henley
I hope I can encourage people to steer their own ships…because it’s the only way to live.